12 easy steps to write a blog...

1. Turn up for dinner a safe twenty minutes after Mom yells her nads off... and pretend like nothing's wrong.

2. Check the tv guide to spot that "Dracula, Dead and Loving it" is on Primetime show and fuss it out with Mom to switch channels while she's indulging herself in her daily dose of vernacular soap opera.

3. Raise your voice, expressing discontent with the hospitability at home, since you don't get to, too often.

4. Still didn't work, in spite of getting a few angry looks thrown your way? Don't lose heart. Toss your dinner plate on the table (still untouched) and get your cellphone.

5. Message all the friends in your phone who you think are worthy of watching the flick.

6. Switch to the hallowed channel during the commercial break only to get a horrific shock of watching the run of a badly dubbed japanese movie instead!

7. Curse those damn newspapers and the guys who run the tv channel while appearing cool in front of an angry looking Mom and hand the remote back.

8. Sit with the dinner plate next to Mom and start forwarding an apologetic message to all your friends... Please note food remains untouched.

9. Mom can't stand it any longer, or so she says... Her face goes red and voice squeaky... Complains on how you never make time to have dinner with her, how you never spend time with family while you're at home, how you have become an incorrigible rebellious young man respects no one, and most of all spitting venomous curses at the wretched invention that we call a cellphone and regrets ever having bought it for you.

10. Get into a fit of uncontrollable rage, and since you cant swear at Mom (don't ask questions, you just can't!!), open the back panel of your phone, remove the battery and safely place it to one side, take the sim card out and rip the shit out of it in front of that bewildered expression on Mom's face.

11. Storm out of the room and into yours, slam the door shut, stare out the window, reflect on your unacceptable behaviour and lack of judgement... and smile thinking "how cool was that?! i'm gonna so write on this!"

12. Switch on your PC, log on and start typing...