The Rules for Good Writing - A Parody

These are the general axioms, so as to put it, that any budding writer should follow, consciously or otherwise, to provide a decent piece of writing that the readers would appreciate. Starting with the most important one, which is :
Long sentences, with commas used, which separate different clauses, are most scowled upon.

A writer must not annoy half his readers by making gender specific statements.

The passive voice should be avoided.

Never use a long word when a diminutive one will suffice.

Always finish what you star

Eliminate one word sentences. Always.

Avoid using ampersands & abbreviations etc.

Exaggeration is a million times worse than an understatement.

Be more or less specific.

Always avoid annoying alliterations.

Do not unnecessarily overuse exclamation marks!!!

Avoid nifty locutions that sound ludicrous.

Don mke it a pt 2 use cel fone lingo whil writn. it botherz da reader n doesn luk gud.

Analogies while writing are like eskimos in the Sahara.

One should never generalize.

Remarks in brackets (however important) are unnecessary.

Last but not the least, cliches should be avoided at all costs.

The Taste of Dust

His world was spinning around him at a blinding speed. Memories; priceless, crumbling before his very eyes. Flashes of how things might have been. But he knew he had chosen this path at the crossroads in his life. It was the righteous path, the hardest path, teeming with impediments. He saw them ready to be vanquished by his one wepon that could not be destroyed. His own will. It was like a hallucination, though he knew that this reality was as real as the groud he was lying on; as real as his muscles as they throbbed with his hoarse breathing; as real as the taste of sweat on his lips, and the dust in his eyes.

He spat on the ground beside him. A momentary respite, as his insensible gaze strayed from the battlefield in front of him to his comrades who lay limbs splayed out beside him, with agony in their eyes and remorse in their hearts. He was different. He had no regrets. He savored the pain one last time before giving the final charge. This is what he had lived for.

Feeling the slow surge of adrenalin through his veins he gathered every last ounce of strength that his body could produce, drawing his breath one last time before he faced the inevitable. Countless thoughts whizzed through his mind as he staggered to his feet. Then, he looked his oppresor straight in the eye he lunged forward uttering his war cry -"Kabaddi kabaddi kabaddi kabaddi...."

12 easy steps to write a blog...

1. Turn up for dinner a safe twenty minutes after Mom yells her nads off... and pretend like nothing's wrong.

2. Check the tv guide to spot that "Dracula, Dead and Loving it" is on Primetime show and fuss it out with Mom to switch channels while she's indulging herself in her daily dose of vernacular soap opera.

3. Raise your voice, expressing discontent with the hospitability at home, since you don't get to, too often.

4. Still didn't work, in spite of getting a few angry looks thrown your way? Don't lose heart. Toss your dinner plate on the table (still untouched) and get your cellphone.

5. Message all the friends in your phone who you think are worthy of watching the flick.

6. Switch to the hallowed channel during the commercial break only to get a horrific shock of watching the run of a badly dubbed japanese movie instead!

7. Curse those damn newspapers and the guys who run the tv channel while appearing cool in front of an angry looking Mom and hand the remote back.

8. Sit with the dinner plate next to Mom and start forwarding an apologetic message to all your friends... Please note food remains untouched.

9. Mom can't stand it any longer, or so she says... Her face goes red and voice squeaky... Complains on how you never make time to have dinner with her, how you never spend time with family while you're at home, how you have become an incorrigible rebellious young man respects no one, and most of all spitting venomous curses at the wretched invention that we call a cellphone and regrets ever having bought it for you.

10. Get into a fit of uncontrollable rage, and since you cant swear at Mom (don't ask questions, you just can't!!), open the back panel of your phone, remove the battery and safely place it to one side, take the sim card out and rip the shit out of it in front of that bewildered expression on Mom's face.

11. Storm out of the room and into yours, slam the door shut, stare out the window, reflect on your unacceptable behaviour and lack of judgement... and smile thinking "how cool was that?! i'm gonna so write on this!"

12. Switch on your PC, log on and start typing...